Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Don't Worry....

Did I really write/say this out loud....where is this coming from and what am I going to say next? Everyone says "Oh, you're funny you should write a book - love your emails!" But, how do you do that and not write about something or someone you shouldn't??? Kind of like the morning after a REALLY fun night when you think to yourself - "OH, Her(name change) what did I do or say last night?" Not that THAT has ever happened to me. But, see my kids could/prolly will read this so you see the problem with writing about what and who you know. So here is the plan. Not only will I change the names - hopefully, by now you've caught on to that! But, I will also change some of the details of all the events. So in fact, this is all just made up stuff/shit and it is just meant to be funny. So, yes, I did not want to be fat on my birthday. That is a rule of mine which usually involves freakin out about my weight and not my age the week before the BIG day. See this keeps me from focusing on the fact that I am getting effin old but hopefully not effin FAT. Focus on fat not age. Whatever, it seems to work for me. I can be fat after my birthday and that freaks me out about being fat but not old. After a few weeks I forget that I am getting old and I just keep shopping in the Jr.'s dept. and that takes care of that. Cause it still fits. Thank god for fat teens. Makes all us old hags think we are young just cause we can still wear clothes from the Jr. Dept. No, seriously, the real reason I like to shop there is cause it COSTS a lot less than the same style clothes in my department. WHAT THE HELL is up with that??? Honestly, next time you are at the mall just check this out. Shop/look at stuff in the part of the store for hip/cool moms. Then walk over to the Jr. section for the hip/cool teens. Same stuff. Top for teens $26.00 - top for women $128.00. SAME THING. And 6months from now no one is going to be wearing it anyway so why pay the difference. I know I am 48 yrs. old and not 17. AND I'm not stupid. Why pay more for the same thing as long as it fits and my whoha is not hangin out. If some body part that should not be showin is showing then that is an entirely different situation. One you are old enough to know better so don't buy or wear it. And if you are embarrassed to shop in the teen stores or departments just tell that cute little 98lb. 17 yr. old behind the counter that you sure hope your daughter will like it and sure hope it fits her. Whatever you do - DO NOT try it on in the store....They will prolly laugh at you. Take it home to try on. If it doesn't fit - take it back and tell them your daughter has an eating disorder and she's having a fat week. So - all that is true...as for the parts that aren't you decide. I'm just letting you and Opa (name change) know now that some of these stories are stretched jes a bit to make it funner to write and hopefully funner to read. Yes, I KNOW how to spell funner....on purpose people!Funny stuff. It worked for Forrest. GUMP keep up. So, this may or may not be actual events, names, places, etc. WE all know what happened to James Fey and his book on Opa...she was TICKED. I personally, loved that book and his sequel which no one read or bought (My Friend Leonard) prolly cause OPA was ticked at HIM - big time. So Opa, this blog is all about being funny. This stuff did not happen. I do eat food everyday. And worry about being fat and old and not funny. And all the sober kids in ........joke people.

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