Friday, March 26, 2010


' I know I brought this all on myself. Hate to whine when it is really my fault. Thank F&*^ it is Friday. Yes, it has kinda been that kinda day. Not all week. Just day. No real reason (cept maybe 4 dogs and pms week all in one...??? ya think) On paper this day should have been fabulous. Sunny and breezy but beautiful compared to the total tennis f&*) that yesterday was when of course we had a match that mattered. Guess who didn't win??? Bingo...not that I let that bother me cause that would be silly and a waste of all the blessings I do have. Mad tennis skills in gale force winds are just not one of them. EVIDENTLY. Onward. Today is after all Friday and since Thursday is my very favorite tv night ever - although Wed. is a very close second due to Modern Family and Cougar Town - I am usually in a fantastic mood just because of Thursday night tv alone. Yes, it doesn't take a lot to make me happy!! Today is really easy - hubby coming home (YEA!!!) - lunch for a girlfriend turning 50 but not looking it!! AND not me turning 50 - even better!!! Then house and dog stuff....ya know basic quick pick up and fluff and because of Puppy Flu I now have two puppies that I have to pretend to housetrain. Pretend is key word cause THEY are having none of is waay more fun to just pee and poo whenever and wherever the mood stikes. Pollyanna that I am - I am just pretending this is all okay and that I am actually working out as I SQUAT and pick up and spray with cleaner all their good intentions. And wine is very important at the end of the day. THIS is work people!!

Anyway, for some unknown reason I was a touch cranky when my best girls called and said "Happy Hour??" I said, " Hells, yes!!" That my friend is the beauty of crate training your puppies!! Even when they are the cutest things that ever walked the earth at the end of a day of nonstop pee and poo - time in the crate is truly a beautiful thing. So to all those negative Nellies that say "OMG, puppies are worse than babies!! What are you thinking???!!" I say, "I'm pretty freakin sure it is illegal to stick a BABY in a crate but there are books out there saying it is BEST to put your puppies in one!!" So there. Then again babies wear diapers and don't pee and poo everywhere. And that my friend is where doggie diapers come into this story. IF you want a real chuckle just check out this website (trust me - even if you are allergic to animals you will get a kick out of this!!) - Not only do they make pants/diapers they make and have pictures of THONGS for dogs!!! Warning this is not for the faint of heart. It does sort of look like doggie porn. Not that I would KNOW anything about that - if it even does exist. Just saying...nevermind. Check it out for yourself. Speaking of which my little ANGELS have been running around doing God knows what God knows where. Good news is it is very, very little .....bad news is they do it do the math. Meanwhile, I think my thighs are actually getting firmer from all the puppie poo/pee squats I'm doing. I think I see a work out video in my future!!! Come on there have been a lot of crappy (pun intended) ones out there and somebody bought them!!

So the end of my day - Happy Hour with some really amazing girlfriends is the perfect end to my week...followed by lots of puppy kisses, hubby kisses and the best Chinese food delivered to my door - Chopsticks Asian Cafe - Orange chicken and Imperial Shrimp - OMG that is soooo good!!If you are lucky enough to live in McKinney, call 972-542-6969 and have them deliver!! Tell them I said so!!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Latest Health Alert

Here is the latest flu alert...I've warned you about wine flu and tennis flu(see are extremely contagious and potent. However, this latest flu alert could be THE ONE. The one that could rapidly spread and infect us all. PUPPY FLU!!! Cute but deadly...VERY cute but not to be taken lightly!! People this is serious. Stop and listen - it could happen to you. IT HAPPENED TO ME AND NOW I HAVE FOUR FREAKIN DOGS!!! YES,,, FOUR DOGS!! Even scarier two are PUPPIES/POOP & PEE MACHINES with fur. Good news I am not totally stupid. They do not shed - but they poo and pee every ten minutes. Wherever they are AT THAT TIME. And usually NOT where you are desperately trying to train them to go.

Now that I have your attention and you are freakin and wanting to know how this happened to me and more important how to keep this from happening to you!! I KNOW!! I am now officially the crazy dog lady. Thank god, I'm married and it's puppies and not cats...that is a whole nuther problemo step away from stuff that you do not need stacked all over your house. Has it's own tv show called not go there my friend. So back to me and my sweetest baby girls...puppy baby girls.

Yes, I was only looking for one puppy. I've even tried to wait until something horrible happened to the two wonderful dogs we already have. Lucky for us they are going to defy all odds and live to be 2000 in dogie years. And that is all good for us. I just want a little itty bitty dog before I DIE. So, shoot me for going ahead and falling for my friend Laura's Coton de Tulear puppy....This was when I got infected. All I did was show up for a Super Bowl pre party with some dip and chips. Next thing I know I am totally obsessed with her little dog named Bing. I know how cute is that. Bing Crosby is so proud. And I fell in love. Perfect dog ever. Under 10lbs. and doesn't shed and doesn't even smell. Sold.

But not so fast...this breed is rare and hard to find. Also in the very pricey range for dogs. Being the smart girl that I am I immediately told Wonderman that this was ALL I wanted for Valentines. Since this was in January and he had no freakin idea what he was going to give me for V- Day he thought this was a good idea and getting him off the hook and out of a jewelry store. Silly him anyway. As I mentioned these pups can cost a whole lot and that is just getting them home. After weeks of searching and no luck/under 2000$ range (even I wouldn't pay that) I found someone that had a litter of pups. And they were waaaay under priced. Why? I don't really want to know. Cute and healthy and I'm good to go. So long story short. I asked Baby girl to come home from college and help me pick out my newest pup. Big mistake. She picked out hers and mine. And that is how I ended up with double the loving and trouble. Plan is in the fall Lacy will go off to college with Baby Girl and Layla will be all mine...we'll see how that goes.

Now the part you really want to do you keep from getting Puppy Flu? Well, do NOT come to my house under any circumstances to see me or my sweet itty bitty girls. Once you do and see and hold them it is All OVER FOR YOU MY FRIEND!! All it takes is one minute and you too will be infected and next thing ya know you too are trolling the internet looking for your puppy fix. Looking at pictures on my iphone can be dangerous but not instantly infectious. But they are pretty dang cute and the seed can be planted. And once you actually see and hold them it is game over my friend. You officially have Puppy Flu!!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

More fun ways to waste time....

As if this blog isn't enough of a time vacuum...OMG! Thanks to ya'll that keep telling me how funny I am - here I am again...wanting to please and trying to be funny. Some days the funny feels flat. Like a bad hair day. Why does that happen anyway??? WTF is a bad hair day? Well, duh, we know WHAT it is...I mean HOW does it happen??? We pretty much do the same frickin thing to our hair everyday. Some days it is all fluffy and shiny and you know you are rockin it. And then you do the exact dang thing and it looks like someone put NAIR in your shampoo bottle...I am pretty much all about and makeup is quick and easy cause I do the same thing all the time. That is why it totally shocks me when the hair falls flat. Usually when it matters the most - as in I am going somewhere where someone else will see me. If I am staying home and Wonderman is out of town on VERY IMPORTANT hair is freakin fabulous. I should just call everyone I know and say,"Hey, I'm having an amazing hair day/night/30 minutes...hurry over and come see and ooh and ahhh...I've got wine. Really, it will be fun!" Bet you wish you were my BFF right now!! I am fun time...

Okay, I totally feel a ramble coming on...but the whole bad hair thing made me think about something else. This is important and I think all us white chicks need to pay attention to our black sistas...we all know our fannies are flatter and we are so freaked out about the size of them and that is sad....smaller is not always better and we need to learn to Love our curves and try to get some more junk in the trunk. That is old news. Thanks to J Lo and Beyonce we are learning to love the curves - and we should. There really is nothing sexy or healthy about a bag of bones. Now, the other thing the black girls know about is WIGS!!! We are getting there with hair extensions, but how freakin easy would it be if you are having a bad hair day to just slap a wig on!!! OMG it could be long or short or a totally different color. We really need to look into this. My new best friend in my head is Wendy Williams and her tv show is soooo much fun!! It keeps me on my treadmill when I am beyond ready to stop and go do something way more fun. She is dishy and fun and very proper and classy too. AND she knows how to rock some hair and curves!!! Not all natural but at our age a little help can go a long way. I'm just saying hats are great for hiding bad hair days but wigs could rock our world....

Now back to what I was really going to blog about today....Remember ramble is my middle name...time vacuum but fun - Words Free or Words With Friends - app for iphone. THANKS so much to my friends that thought I needed something besides Facebook, my blogs, tennis, books and monthly mags to keep me busy. Not to mention all my favorite tv shows -THANK You SWEET BABY JESUS - for Direct TV!!! NOOOOOOO, now I am playing this freakin FUN word game - sorta like scrabble but not so they don't get sued for copyright infringement...on my phone. I remember the good old days when I didn't even have a charger for my phone cause I left it in my car all the time and it prolly wasn't even on anyway. NOW I am not only carrying my phone around from room to freakin room all day I am constantly checking to see if it is my turn to play my next word...I honestly don't know why I am doing this cause I totally suck at it and all my frenemies are totally kicking my ass at this new FUN WAY TO WASTE MORE TIME I DONT' HAVE!!! So if you have an iphone you HAVE to get this app....I think I read somewhere that people that use their brains for word games have a better chance of not getting.......what's the word....dementia. And I also read that red wine is good for your heart or something go boost the economy - buy more iphones, apps, wigs and red wine!!! And best of all - Words Free App is FREE!!!Loving that!!