Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I Phone is the New Crack

This is a health alert....If you currently own an iphone - my personal drug of choice - or any of the other smart phones I'm betting you didn't read the tiny fine print either. If you had to stand in line for hours to even get yours you weren't worried about any of the warnings buried in the instruction manual. I barely bothered reading that. I just watch the commercials and download any cool apps advertised there. Or hand it over to my teens and they hook me right up. Here is what they don't tell you.

1. You will find that you cannot be more than 5 ft. from your phone at anytime. Makes getting a shower tricky but I manage. Just barely. If you find yourself in one room and the crack device in another you have 25 seconds to retrieve it before your head explodes.

2. First sign you have a phoneaddiction - you no longer use your computer. Because you can check your emails 4,658 times a day FROM YOUR PHONE. And you will, you just won't answer any of them. This will drive your friends crazy. You will mean to do it when you get home but you won't. Because you will be too busy with the next part of this dreaded addiction.

3. Second sign - texting. You only have a contact list in order to text people. The art of an actual conversation is a joke. I predict mankind will forget how to speak in the next 10 yrs. we will just stand around with our phones texting each other face to face. Don't worry rap will never go away.

4. Third sign - Facebook - now some of you think FB is the devil's book. All two of you are so smug that YOU have never done it. Come on - who are you kidding??? Even Bill Clinton has facebooked. Facebook is the gateway to more phoneaddictions. And once you own an iphone - you have truly descended into hell. You won't care about eating, your kids, feeding your kids, reading or even watching a movie. You won't even be able to watch tv without checking your fb...and then you will have this uncontrollable urge to text someone. WHILE you are supposed to be watching your favorite show. It is so dangerously addicting they even warn you that texting is not allowed during movies!!

5. Fourth sign you are going to end up homeless and on the street living in a box - Words with Friends...Yea! Some friends - these shady characters just want to get you addicted to feed their own nasty little habit....they suck you in with smiles and promises that it is fun and will increase your vocabulary - not so!!! You won't even know what half these words mean!! You won't care as long as you get the points and crush your former friends with a big word!!! Trust me just SAY NO!!!

6. Fifth sign - That sound...you know the one. The glass, the bell, the horn or whatever cute little sound you set your phone to make everytime you have a new message, text, or game move waiting. You won't eat, sleep or bathe...you will jump for your phone, trade your children, You will even play your children and try to crush them to get your phonefix....

7. Sixth sign - Angry Birds...this is the mac daddy drug of all - I am currently in phonerehab and am fighting the urge to try this one. But, I keep reading and hearing about how great it is. How much fun I'll have doing it. I am trying to be strong. Plus, I hear there is a possible tv show in the works. I will wait for that.

8. Dressing your phone. I am guilty of bling stickers on mine. Shoot me.

9. If you are still reading this you know you have a problem or know someone who has a problem...you should text them and tell them to read this. There are prolly more signs we are all hopelessly addicted but I need to stop now cause my phone is calling - did I mention I fell off the recovery wagon today and actually am now a Twit???

10. Twitter - I was holding out and refusing to try this Twitter drug but I saw Regis do it this morning and he looked like he was having so much fun. Everybody is doing it. I'm not going to do it everyday. I can control it. Really. Oh, who am I kidding!! Follow me @girlygirlrocks - hope I did that right. Seriously, be careful and whatever you do whenever you do it - NEVER FEED YOUR PHONEADDICTION WHILE DRIVING...and it is RUDE to do it at the table in front of friends (unless you are texting them - still prolly rude). And never ever text in a dark room - you will be looking down into the light of your phone and trust me it will age you by at least 20 yrs. Especially if you are squinting and frowning at your phone. Not a good look. Don't do this.


  1. Ha! Believe it or not, I have resisted the i-phone so far. Signed up for Twitter over a year ago and have never used it, no kidding! Of course, I couldn't figure out how to use it....
    Love your Blog, and your humorous outlook on life. Thanks for sharing, often my sentiments exactly, but of course that's what makes your blog so, well......addicting !!!! XxOo

  2. hahahahahaha..... FYI...Just say no to TWITTER!