How to Cure Puppy Fever

This is for all my friends that I have infected with Puppy Flu/Fever...that would be just about everyone that has seen and or held my TWO (yes, just shoot me now) new little bitty precious nonstop pee and poo machines. Or as my hubby likes to call them - Gerbil One and Gerbil Two. I'm off to the vet (again) today for round three of their shots and I'm really hoping they've gained an enormous amount of weight in two weeks and that the vet will recommend a severe diet. As in - if nothing goes in then maybe NOTHING WILL COME OUT!!! Sounds like a really good plan to me...I told you in another post about my new idea for an exercise video "Puppy Poo Squats" for anyone with puppies...everytime they poo/pee you SQUAT with good form while you pick it up and spray with cleaner. That should count for two squats. I think I am doing this at least 2500 times a day. Then again, I'm the dumbass that let my TEENAGE DAUGHTER TALK ME INTO BUYING TWO PUPPIES!!! If you have any brains at all - stop at one adorable little bitty pee/poo machine. That should be good for at least 1250 squats a day.

Did I also mention that my daughter is off at college right now and that this second poo machine is supposed to go off with her in the fall??? AFTER I do all the work/squats trying to potty train it??? Again - WTH was I thinking??? I'm telling you Puppy Flu is powerful and you need to innoculate yourself immediately. Just invision your house with pee and poo EVERYWHERE and that should do the trick. As for me, I am hanging in there. I still enjoy the cute little moments with the pups. God makes them really cute for a reason and yes, it is a trick. They are really cute when they are playing together in their playpen - their days of freely roaming the house are over. And they are even cuter when they are all cuddled up sleeping. They are really cute when they actually GO on the "potty pad". They are not so cute when they don't. And yes, they are silly cute when we dress them up in silly dog clothes. They are hilarious when we put their doggy diapers on them too. This really does help with the pee problem, not so much with the poo. TMI ya think?

Right after "WTH where you thinking?" the question I am asked the most is, "How are you going to let her take one of the pups to school in the fall?" Some days the answer is "ARE you kidding me - she can take BOTH of them to school in the fall!!" Even scarier was when she came home this weekend and actually got to spend more than 24 hours with them. (She had to leave the day after they first came home) Within 45 minutes and 325 squats her eyes were tearing up and their cuteness was wearing off. She actually had the nerve to say, "WOW, they are a lot of work!! And hyper too. I think I'll just take poor Max (one of our older dogs - yes, we have 4 total) up to my room to give him a break from the pups." Screw Max!! What about POOR MOMMY??? What about me??? I only wanted ONE puppy - WHY do I have TWO??? And OMG - am I gonna still have 4 in the fall??? Shoot me now!!

Even better, it seems next fall she and her roomates are planning to have their own pet store/apartment....Baby girl will have Gerbil Two and one roomate is planning to bring her dog from home (already housebroken) and her other roomate is planning on going to night school, working 9-5 and WAIT for it....buy her own NEW PUPPY!!! Somehow I'm thinking this is not a really good idea. Puppies are cute - but, OMG they are WORK people!!! Just don't tell Baby girl cause I really need her to take Gerbil Two to school...my thighs are killing me!! So again, if you feel Puppy Flu/Fever coming on think of your floors and thighs. And for God's sake - just get one!!!