Saturday, June 23, 2012

Sip and See

I love cheers me up just to walk thru the baby section at my Happy Place/ clothes, baby shoes, baby, baby, baby. Love them. I am just a little bit shocked that I am old enough to have so many friends with - GRAND Babies. Some of these friends are EVEN younger than me. AND they are GRANDPARENTS!! I'm sorry but, if turning 50 doesn't drive the point home or having people in their 30's respectfully call you MAM, then having friends that are first time grandparents is a wake up call to YOU ARE OLD AS CRAP NOW!! When did this happen? Been wondering who that old lady in the mirror was... Which brings me to the Sip and See....remember Baby Showers? Lots of cute baby stuff, little fancy finger food & mints in the appropriate color - pink or blue or mint? The guest of honor is miserable but excited and extremely anxious for the little one to arrive. She and probably a few of the guests are all ready to pop. Lots of ohhing and awwing over all the kajillion presents?? It doesn't even matter if it is their first or 3rd,4th, or 5th baby...can you imagine a baby shower for the Dugger Woman with 200 kids? Point is baby showers are necessary but can be boring, someone is fat, exhausted and really ready for someone to join the party. And they are very sober. Nine months sober. I really remember wanting a margarita when I was in the hospital having Griffin...Really wanting it. Flash forward to today's Sip and See...picture a room full of very attractive and well kept women of a certain age. My age. We are so happy to be there and to catch up with each other. And SEE our friend's precious, amazing, beautiful GRAND baby!! The BABY is at the party!! She is dressed in the cutest pink tutu with headband bow and she is perfect. Simply divine - for hours while we fight over who gets to hold her. And while we all eat the most delicious food (thanks to my friend and hostess with some killer cooking skills - JennO and in the beautiful home of my other friend DB - the mama of beautiful child gets to relax, eat and enjoy a few chambord and white wine fizzies. Along with all her very thankful guests. As we oooh and awwwe over her precious sweet baby girl! I'm thinking this Grandparent thing is not so bad :)))And I am definitely on board with this whole Sip and See idea. Sip a little something yummy, love on a little precious sweet baby and then go home!! I've got this G-Ma thing down pat!!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

How Did I Miss This...

I have always been the first to admit I have a tv problem....thank God for Tivo, Direct TV and now the holy grail UNIVERSE!! What they all boil down to is - 1. NO COMMERCIALS, unless they are cool and funny - like those baby commercials and that chick in plaid talking to that dude about matching stuff. FUNNY. Don't remember what they are supposed to be selling but that is not my problem. 2. Being able to watch what I want to watch when I am good and damn ready. Which is why I have 88 episodes of New Adventures of Old Christine, 12 episodes of Duck Dynasty, two seasons of Weeds, and a whole bunch of Cake Boss Crap that my BabyGirl is obsessed with. Not into people making cupcakes like it is a freakin Olympic sport. Seriously. It.Is.Not.A.Sport. A big ole sugar rush but not a sport. But, back to what is watch worthy and I almost missed. Old Christine... !! Who knew? Especially the second season and I have always loved Wanda Sykes!! OMG. That is one funny woman. Her voice alone makes me laugh out loud. Or LOL. ALOT. As for Duck Dynasty my kids sorta had to drag me kickin and screaming. Okay, they got me a little tipsy on my favorite wine and held my eyelids open while they fed me popcorn and made me watch. And yes, I LOVED IT!! What is not to love about this show. Being from the SOUTH of some SOUTHERN state this show reminded me of all those sweet southern boys I had so much fun with and could not run away from fast enough. Good thing I am such a fast runner. I had no desire to spend the rest of my life sitting around while they went "huntin" and bringing home "dinner" for me to skin and cook. Notice the word SKIN - very important cause in the south you might not only shop for and cook and clean up after dinner but you might also be expected to actually SKIN your freakin dinner. I prefer my vegetables already SKINNED and packaged and FREAKIN PREWASHED. Guess where I stand on my meat? But, I can appreciate a great show with a bunch of bearded fools in camouflage with the next hunter. And they are FANTASTIC!! Do not get me wrong. I love this show. But, I will admit to Uncle Si that I am the original Uppity girl that he warned his nephew not to marry. However, I am also a damn good cook. Just want someone else to skin and prepare it for the grill for me and then step back. Cause this Uppity, preppy, prisspot can GRILL. Burning Love - Ben Stiller's spoof on the Bachelor at And speaking of things I almost missed here are a few of things I just don't get... 1. Adam Sandler. And any movie he is in. How and better yet, WHY do these movies still get made? WHO is paying for this? And don't say all 12-15 year old boys cause that is just well, actually, a major insult to ALL BOYS 12-15 Years old. Really. The worst movies and don't even get me started on his personal acting skills. REALLY? Again, I keep hearing how hard it is and how long it takes to get a movie made in Hollywood and THIS keeps happening? WTF??? I think he must be mobbed up and they just need to wash that money somewhere. 2. Marc Jacobs - Okay. I know I don't run in the high fashion circles. But, I do dream in my Vogue, Bazaar and Instyle magazines...not to mention my fierce Pinterest Dream Closet...but, his ads are just butt ugly. They even make really famous actresses look kinda well, just butt ugly. And Prada? Again, butt ugly. Now, Chanel? A girl can dream!!! Valentino?? Hello Beautiful. Manolo and Choo? LOOBS? Hells yes! LOUIS V? Worth every penny. And as for Michael Kors??? Don't even. I have a very close friend - spent almost a $1000.00 on a handbag and billfold. Within 3 weeks the handbag came apart on the inside seams...kid you not. She went back to the MK store with her receipt and was told by the MANAGER he was so sorry for her but he didn't want to take the hit on his store numbers by returning it cause he would have to eat it. TRUE.FREAKIN.STORY. Moral good girls? If you must, only by his crap at Nordstroms where they stand my their customers and not their CRAPPY suppliers when their shoddy designer goods fall apart. But, back to the Good Stuff (and Go Stuff the BAD stuff) here are some latest additions to things I love and you might need.... Maybelline's Eye Tatto Cream eyeshadow - it really does stay on and doesn't crease- even by the pool on a hot Texas day. I did that for research purposes people!! Of course, I don't put on makeup to just sit by my pool!! I was testing it out for all of you... Blotting papers - use these instead of caking your face up with powder when you are "glowing' too much. Okay, if you sweat like a hooker in church or at a political rally - stop over powdering your face. BLOT it away. Retinol cream for your body...this is still a work in progress but I am seeing progress. I think. I found a fairly cheap (under 10$) jar of retinol cream online. I have been using it on my crepy old lady skin spots - knees and elbow and upper inner arms if you must know!! Maybe I am delusional but I think it is actually making a difference. If retinol is such a miracle worker for our faces why wouldn't it work on our bodies? Will post name of it in a week or two - need to make sure it is really working. But don't you love the idea? As for cellulite? I am still going with tan it.Nothing seems to get rid of it. Even weight loss. Which might even be worse for it. Bummer. Still will go with skinny if I can.That and staying horizontal as much a possible. Gravity is not our friend. We all look better laying around versus standing up. So check out the Ducks, Christine and anything on the USA channel - fantastic tv happening there!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Soda in the City

I love New York...everything about it. The energy, the people - who have always been beyond friendly to me and mine - the restaurants, the plays, the sex....sorry - I really did LOVE that show. Movies, not so much. Not as much as the show. Not sure if you are all up on current events but thanks to the Dallas Morning News, WSJ, US, People, Facebook and the Wendy Show - girlfriend knows. All. This past week Mayor Bloomberg has been very busy trying to convince the good people of NY that they are all obese and that they are, because they are all guzzling Ginormous, over sized, calorie laden sodas. So instead of just saying,"Hey, yous guys - YEA, you overweight fat slobs! STOP KILLING YOURSELVES AND YOUR GINORMOUS OVER SIZED KIDS with liquid crap! Drink some WADDER!" Oh, no - he wants the Government to step in and PASS A LAW that makes it illegal to DRINK LARGE SODAS!!! I swear - I've had a glass or four - but I am not MAKING THIS SHIT UP!! Read it in the paper folks. Can you even begin to imagine what would happen in the Great State of Texas if our elected officials tried to pass a law against BIG Sodas??? Austin would succeed from the union. No Doubt.

Now, I know some of you that know me well, are shocked and surprised that I am getting all political. I was raised Southern Methodist/Presbyterian. We don't shout, clap or God forbid DANCE in church. We do drink, cuss and dance to African American music with wild abandon outside of church. We never ever discuss Politics. There is a reason why there are curtains around our polling booths. It should be nobody's business who we vote for. I even removed ALL of our land line phones from  their plugs. Just because I could not stand the CONSTANT ringing of all the candidates that wanted to poll me and discuss who I was thinking about voting for in any upcoming election. Here was my standard answer - "For the ASSHOLE not interrupting my dinner ASSHOLE!". And still, the phone kept ringing. These are not always the sharpest tools in the shed. Just tools.

Anyhoooo....I'm pretty sure taking away the right to drink Big SODAS would be right up there with taking away Big Guns. Which is not going to fly in Texas and I really hope those obese New Yorkers are going to agree. Cause girlfriend is no political dumb blonde. If someone wants to outlaw oversized Sodas...DO YOU NOT SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING PEOPLE??? WAKE UP!!! STAND UP AND DEFEND THE FATTIES!! They should be able to drink all the oversized sodas they want. Then go on a diet if lugging around excess amounts of weight bothers them. Just think about it's oversized sodas tomorrow it is oversized BOTTLES OF WINE!!! HELLO!!! This is how is how it starts people.

We need to look out for each other and stick together - Big Sodas and Wine Bottles unite. And here is my solution Mayor Bloomberg. You need to chill, take a sip and sit down and watch Dr. OZ. I know you are very busy - trying to pass laws, calling people and interrupting their dinners to talk them into voting for you, but all you need to do is put your feet up, grab a bag of BAKED ALL NATURAL WHITE CHEESE PUFFS (should be their own food group called yum) and a soda/wine of your choice and listen to the WIZARD...He knows all the answers to weight loss. Here are a few he recommends, and I and more than a few friends, know that they work!! REALLY WORK....EVEN IF YOU EAT AND DRINK ALL THE BIG ASS SODAS/WINE BOTTLES YOU WANT. How cool is that?? 1. Raspberry Ketones - don't trust me Google it. 2. Green Coffee Bean Extract - just Google it. 3. 7-Keto DHEA - Google 4. Biotin - for hair and nails - just run to Sam's and buy the Natrol Biotin extra strength - WORKS!! No I did not misspell(did not know that word had two ss and ll's...I am not smarter than a Fifth Grader - DAMN IT!) Natrol. That is a brand name. What the F were they thinking? Product works and is cheap, got to love that. 5. And a whole bunch more - just go to The Wizard....or Dr. Oz's website and all the stuff he talks about I'm taking about half and yes, it is working.

 Here is my next great idea. If all the over the counter skin care creams are working for my face - What can I be slathering on the rest of my body? Cause shit is happening from the chin down and it needs to stop.....YESTERDAY. Unfortunately, when I finally got the message in my mid Thirties that I was going to regret all the sun damage I'd been doing to my face - someone forgot to remind me that I'd be really sad when my neck, chest, arms and legs began to age. It is awfully hard to rock a freakin turtleneck, long sleeves and long pants in frickin 110 degree heat. I've been hinting that maybe we SHOULD bring pantyhose back - if we could think of a name that doesn't have the word panty in it. How bout - Miracle Legs - as in, your saggy, flabby, lumpy legs will look better if you wear our Miracle Legs??? Don't laugh - that Spanx bitch has made a boatload of money and who ever would have thought the whole world - Men included, MANX for God's sake - would be squeezing and contorting their rolls of fat into very expensive, unattractive, uncomfortable BEIGE PANTYHOSE!!! FOR YOUR FREAKIN BODY!! See - SHE JUST CHANGED THE NAME FROM PANTY HOSE TO SPANX!!! Guess she is smarter than a freakin Fifth Grader. Bet she loves Big Sodas and Big Wine Bottles cause the more FATTIES the more PANTYHOSE/SPANX...DANG it...I new it was the word panty that was the problem...not Big Sodas or Big Wine Bottles!