Friday, July 10, 2009

Birthday Alert

Okay, I know I started this as a chance to share all my favorite stuff so you to could go buy some - remember Oprah gives it away and I just tell you so you too can go BUY it...I know it sucks. Well, it's harder than it looks people to keep coming up with stuff all the time that I love. Sooner or later you will get really bored reading about my favorite lipgloss - Cover Girl Wet Shine (Crush is the color) not the mint tasting stuff either. Tastes good but colors need some sparklies in it.

Sorry, see probably lost a reader right there....So I'm just gonna yak on and on about whatever, cause all my friends keep telling me my emails are HILARIOUS. See this is what happens when you encourage people...they fall for it and actually think you're telling them the truth. Believe it or not, I've just started this and someone (my very first follower) read it. Thank god they didn't say anything mean like "SHUT UP!" That would suck and probably hurt more than I'd ever admit. Can they even do that if they think I'm stupid and boring? Will worry about that one later. Today I have something bigger and HUGE to worry about. Huge is Paris Tilton's (names have been changed to protect the innocent...never mind Paris Hilton) new word for hot. Wait that means I misused that word because I want it too mean really big. Wait - it does!! ANd I'm not even drinkin folks...this is all natural! It IS only 4:00 afterall.

Back to the problem. I have five days before I turn not 30 anymore(again). My only rule and way of dealing with getting closer to not even 35(again), is to be reasonably happy with my weight on the day I turn another year not even in the 30's and OMG almost not even in my freakin 40's. You see where this is going???? Some how some way for some UNKNOWN reason the scales are broke and keep saying I'm about 5 lbs...okay, 7lbs. over the number that is reasonable. I'm not kidding. Now I can still wear my daughter's jeans but it just involves some suckin in and makin sure NO ONE touches me anywhere near my waist. And sitting down isn't such a good look either. Standing up with one of my super cute (i.e. too young) tops on and some kicking high heels -well, girlfriend is workin it...lowlighting helps too. Whatev...Again people the key word today is "reasonable". Still with the big one coming up in 5 days I am a little not want to be all cranky and a party pooper at my own party.

Sooo. ...I am now officially on my liquid diet for the next few we all love Oprah and not just cause she gives stuff away - but because she too has had this very same problem a time or two(wink wink - we love her). Now her liquid diet worked we will give her that cause we all saw her skinny little self pulling the wagon of yucky old stuff to celebrate. See the problem with liquid diets is you just can't keep that up forever. But wait!!! I have one you can and so far it is working....I now it is only a little past 4:00 but this is one we can do!!!

The Girly Girls Liquid Diet (think Skinny Girl Margarita)

For breakfast - one pot each of coffee and hot green tea
For lunch - more green tea mixed with Crystal Light Lemonade - really helps the cold green tea taste better, trust me..
For dinner - any white or red wine will do...whatever is your favorite. We could be here all day if I start listing favorite wines...just remember and this is the most important part of the diet. If you have made it this far without eating any food...keep drinkin until you forget you are hungry.

I know brillant right?? Don't worry about exercise. You will get that running back and forth to bathroom. Wear ankle weights if you must. Why hasn't anyone written this diet book yet...crap...wait I call copyrights!!! I just wrote it so don't go ripping me off and copying my idea!!! Just go buy your lemonade and wine and watch the pounds disappear...five days and counting and it is almost "dinner"time...will keep you posted.

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