Birthday Addict Help Line

I know I know I know! Birthday has come and gone and birthweek is almost over as well but thank goodness it is still BIRTHMONTH!!! Now you are all probably thinking "Oh, that poor girl...see I still think I am a GIRL not a freakinalmostfiftyyearoldhag(it is really hard to leave out the space between that many words cause you just naturally want to type one in there. Except when you want a space then you runthemall together without meaning to...) Focus! That poor GIRL prolly blew her GG Diet and woke up fat on her birthday and was all bloated, cranky and in a good pout. That's why she hasn't blogged all week.That is so sad for her." WRONG - My GG Liquid Diet worked and I woke up looking fab - and then I stood up and again not so bad but I just had to go an ruin it by sitting down. I swear to Her(name change plus it ticks some people off to use Her name in vain - even though I don't mean it that way) my scale is not broken anymore and it is so sorry it will never be broke again. So how come now the scale is back on track, lying down and standing up looks okay WHAT THE HELL happens when I sit???Don't be acting all like you don't know what I'm talking about either. (Unless you are under 45 or weigh 118LBS.) And if you're an embryo just wait...one day you to will discover an unwanted and unexplained personal inner tube under the skin of your body right around your middle. I would not joke about this people. I am personally a little shocked that I am even sharing this. I go to a lot of trouble to remain standing - which can be hard to do cause I am fond of high heeled shoes and it is hard work sometimes on the old feets - and dressing to disguise this certain area. Good thing NO ONE knows who I am cause I just know you'll be staring at my middle tube wondering WTH is THAT!! All it's missing is a cute little duck head and I'm ready for a pool party/hell on earth. Who's idea of fun is that???Some skinny bitch in a bikini that's who...RSVP no to that invite. But all in all I woke up another day older - fine YEAR older - and not that I would be braggin things weren't totally hopeless. So the REAL reason I haven't blogged all week is cause I've been so busy being the Birthday DIVA and celebrating non stop with all my fabulous family and friends that I am exhausted!!! This is fabulous but very hard work and it is not over yet neither!! WHA HOO...more to come next week!!! I think in all my spare time I am going to write THE BIRTHDAY DIVA'S GUIDE TO A FABULOUS BIRTHMONTH. See DIVAS like all caps all the time cause it doesn't have to be their birthday for it to be ALL about them. And one day is just not enough. Too many friends and not enough time so we just work it all in and if some friend keeps begging to throw one more party lunch or dinner the next month for you that is allowed too. Just smile graciously and say "If that would make you happy"...see it's a trick. It is really cause you love parties all about you. Make them think it is to make them happy. So go eat some more birthday cake for all the people that don't have nonstop birthday/week/month parties and tons of fabulous friends. Oh and run get on Facebook and don't be afraid to let it out there that it's your birthday...you will feel like a rockstar on your day. Keep the number a secret if that makes you feel younger but just feel the love in all the birthday greetings....gotta go help Wonderman buy my birthday present...yes, Girls just put the poor men out of their misery and TELL him exactly what you want, what color you want and where he can go to get it. I find just telling him to stay on the golf course a little longer and I'll just go get it works really well too. He's so happy to hear"Go Golf" his eyes and ears glaze over and he forgets to ask the two most hated words EVER.."How Much?" I just love that man!!!! Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me...