Sip and See

I love babies...it cheers me up just to walk thru the baby section at my Happy Place/Target....baby clothes, baby shoes, baby, baby, baby. Love them. I am just a little bit shocked that I am old enough to have so many friends with - GRAND Babies. Some of these friends are EVEN younger than me. AND they are GRANDPARENTS!! I'm sorry but, if turning 50 doesn't drive the point home or having people in their 30's respectfully call you MAM, then having friends that are first time grandparents is a wake up call to YOU ARE OLD AS CRAP NOW!! When did this happen? Been wondering who that old lady in the mirror was... Which brings me to the Sip and See....remember Baby Showers? Lots of cute baby stuff, little fancy finger food & mints in the appropriate color - pink or blue or mint? The guest of honor is miserable but excited and extremely anxious for the little one to arrive. She and probably a few of the guests are all ready to pop. Lots of ohhing and awwing over all the kajillion presents?? It doesn't even matter if it is their first or 3rd,4th, or 5th baby...can you imagine a baby shower for the Dugger Woman with 200 kids? Point is baby showers are necessary but can be boring, someone is fat, exhausted and really ready for someone to join the party. And they are very sober. Nine months sober. I really remember wanting a margarita when I was in the hospital having Griffin...Really wanting it. Flash forward to today's Sip and See...picture a room full of very attractive and well kept women of a certain age. My age. We are so happy to be there and to catch up with each other. And SEE our friend's precious, amazing, beautiful GRAND baby!! The BABY is at the party!! She is dressed in the cutest pink tutu with headband bow and she is perfect. Simply divine - for hours while we fight over who gets to hold her. And while we all eat the most delicious food (thanks to my friend and hostess with some killer cooking skills - JennO and in the beautiful home of my other friend DB - the mama of beautiful child gets to relax, eat and enjoy a few chambord and white wine fizzies. Along with all her very thankful guests. As we oooh and awwwe over her precious sweet baby girl! I'm thinking this Grandparent thing is not so bad :)))And I am definitely on board with this whole Sip and See idea. Sip a little something yummy, love on a little precious sweet baby and then go home!! I've got this G-Ma thing down pat!!

How Did I Miss This...

I have always been the first to admit I have a tv problem....thank God for Tivo, Direct TV and now the holy grail UNIVERSE!! What they all boil down to is - 1. NO COMMERCIALS, unless they are cool and funny - like those baby commercials and that chick in plaid talking to that dude about matching stuff. FUNNY. Don't remember what they are supposed to be selling but that is not my problem. 2. Being able to watch what I want to watch when I am good and damn ready. Which is why I have 88 episodes of New Adventures of Old Christine, 12 episodes of Duck Dynasty, two seasons of Weeds, and a whole bunch of Cake Boss Crap that my BabyGirl is obsessed with. Not into people making cupcakes like it is a freakin Olympic sport. Seriously. It.Is.Not.A.Sport. A big ole sugar rush but not a sport. But, back to what is watch worthy and I almost missed. Old Christine... !! Who knew? Especially the second season and I have always loved Wanda Sykes!! OMG. That is one funny woman. Her voice alone makes me laugh out loud. Or LOL. ALOT. As for Duck Dynasty my kids sorta had to drag me kickin and screaming. Okay, they got me a little tipsy on my favorite wine and held my eyelids open while they fed me popcorn and made me watch. And yes, I LOVED IT!! What is not to love about this show. Being from the SOUTH of some SOUTHERN state this show reminded me of all those sweet southern boys I had so much fun with and could not run away from fast enough. Good thing I am such a fast runner. I had no desire to spend the rest of my life sitting around while they went "huntin" and bringing home "dinner" for me to skin and cook. Notice the word SKIN - very important cause in the south you might not only shop for and cook and clean up after dinner but you might also be expected to actually SKIN your freakin dinner. I prefer my vegetables already SKINNED and packaged and FREAKIN PREWASHED. Guess where I stand on my meat? But, I can appreciate a great show with a bunch of bearded fools in camouflage with the next hunter. And they are FANTASTIC!! Do not get me wrong. I love this show. But, I will admit to Uncle Si that I am the original Uppity girl that he warned his nephew not to marry. However, I am also a damn good cook. Just want someone else to skin and prepare it for the grill for me and then step back. Cause this Uppity, preppy, prisspot can GRILL. Burning Love - Ben Stiller's spoof on the Bachelor at burninglove.com And speaking of things I almost missed here are a few of things I just don't get... 1. Adam Sandler. And any movie he is in. How and better yet, WHY do these movies still get made? WHO is paying for this? And don't say all 12-15 year old boys cause that is just well, actually, a major insult to ALL BOYS 12-15 Years old. Really. The worst movies and don't even get me started on his personal acting skills. REALLY? Again, I keep hearing how hard it is and how long it takes to get a movie made in Hollywood and THIS keeps happening? WTF??? I think he must be mobbed up and they just need to wash that money somewhere. 2. Marc Jacobs - Okay. I know I don't run in the high fashion circles. But, I do dream in my Vogue, Bazaar and Instyle magazines...not to mention my fierce Pinterest Dream Closet...but, his ads are just butt ugly. They even make really famous actresses look kinda well, just butt ugly. And Prada? Again, butt ugly. Now, Chanel? A girl can dream!!! Valentino?? Hello Beautiful. Manolo and Choo? LOOBS? Hells yes! LOUIS V? Worth every penny. And as for Michael Kors??? Don't even. I have a very close friend - spent almost a $1000.00 on a handbag and billfold. Within 3 weeks the handbag came apart on the inside seams...kid you not. She went back to the MK store with her receipt and was told by the MANAGER he was so sorry for her but he didn't want to take the hit on his store numbers by returning it cause he would have to eat it. TRUE.FREAKIN.STORY. Moral good girls? If you must, only by his crap at Nordstroms where they stand my their customers and not their CRAPPY suppliers when their shoddy designer goods fall apart. But, back to the Good Stuff (and Go Stuff the BAD stuff) here are some latest additions to things I love and you might need.... Maybelline's Eye Tatto Cream eyeshadow - it really does stay on and doesn't crease- even by the pool on a hot Texas day. I did that for research purposes people!! Of course, I don't put on makeup to just sit by my pool!! I was testing it out for all of you... Blotting papers - use these instead of caking your face up with powder when you are "glowing' too much. Okay, if you sweat like a hooker in church or at a political rally - stop over powdering your face. BLOT it away. Retinol cream for your body...this is still a work in progress but I am seeing progress. I think. I found a fairly cheap (under 10$) jar of retinol cream online. I have been using it on my crepy old lady skin spots - knees and elbow and upper inner arms if you must know!! Maybe I am delusional but I think it is actually making a difference. If retinol is such a miracle worker for our faces why wouldn't it work on our bodies? Will post name of it in a week or two - need to make sure it is really working. But don't you love the idea? As for cellulite? I am still going with tan it.Nothing seems to get rid of it. Even weight loss. Which might even be worse for it. Bummer. Still will go with skinny if I can.That and staying horizontal as much a possible. Gravity is not our friend. We all look better laying around versus standing up. So check out the Ducks, Christine and anything on the USA channel - fantastic tv happening there!

Soda in the City

I love New York...everything about it. The energy, the people - who have always been beyond friendly to me and mine - the restaurants, the plays, the sex....sorry - I really did LOVE that show. Movies, not so much. Not as much as the show. Not sure if you are all up on current events but thanks to the Dallas Morning News, WSJ, US, People, Facebook and the Wendy Show - girlfriend knows. All. This past week Mayor Bloomberg has been very busy trying to convince the good people of NY that they are all obese and that they are, because they are all guzzling Ginormous, over sized, calorie laden sodas. So instead of just saying,"Hey, yous guys - YEA, you overweight fat slobs! STOP KILLING YOURSELVES AND YOUR GINORMOUS OVER SIZED KIDS with liquid crap! Drink some WADDER!" Oh, no - he wants the Government to step in and PASS A LAW that makes it illegal to DRINK LARGE SODAS!!! I swear - I've had a glass or four - but I am not MAKING THIS SHIT UP!! Read it in the paper folks. Can you even begin to imagine what would happen in the Great State of Texas if our elected officials tried to pass a law against BIG Sodas??? Austin would succeed from the union. No Doubt.

Now, I know some of you that know me well, are shocked and surprised that I am getting all political. I was raised Southern Methodist/Presbyterian. We don't shout, clap or God forbid DANCE in church. We do drink, cuss and dance to African American music with wild abandon outside of church. We never ever discuss Politics. There is a reason why there are curtains around our polling booths. It should be nobody's business who we vote for. I even removed ALL of our land line phones from  their plugs. Just because I could not stand the CONSTANT ringing of all the candidates that wanted to poll me and discuss who I was thinking about voting for in any upcoming election. Here was my standard answer - "For the ASSHOLE not interrupting my dinner ASSHOLE!". And still, the phone kept ringing. These are not always the sharpest tools in the shed. Just tools.

Anyhoooo....I'm pretty sure taking away the right to drink Big SODAS would be right up there with taking away Big Guns. Which is not going to fly in Texas and I really hope those obese New Yorkers are going to agree. Cause girlfriend is no political dumb blonde. If someone wants to outlaw oversized Sodas...DO YOU NOT SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING PEOPLE??? WAKE UP!!! STAND UP AND DEFEND THE FATTIES!! They should be able to drink all the oversized sodas they want. Then go on a diet if lugging around excess amounts of weight bothers them. Just think about it....today it's oversized sodas tomorrow it is oversized BOTTLES OF WINE!!! HELLO!!! This is how is how it starts people.

We need to look out for each other and stick together - Big Sodas and Wine Bottles unite. And here is my solution Mayor Bloomberg. You need to chill, take a sip and sit down and watch Dr. OZ. I know you are very busy - trying to pass laws, calling people and interrupting their dinners to talk them into voting for you, but all you need to do is put your feet up, grab a bag of BAKED ALL NATURAL WHITE CHEESE PUFFS (should be their own food group called yum) and a soda/wine of your choice and listen to the WIZARD...He knows all the answers to weight loss. Here are a few he recommends, and I and more than a few friends, know that they work!! REALLY WORK....EVEN IF YOU EAT AND DRINK ALL THE BIG ASS SODAS/WINE BOTTLES YOU WANT. How cool is that?? 1. Raspberry Ketones - don't trust me Google it. 2. Green Coffee Bean Extract - just Google it. 3. 7-Keto DHEA - Google 4. Biotin - for hair and nails - just run to Sam's and buy the Natrol Biotin extra strength - WORKS!! No I did not misspell(did not know that word had two ss and ll's...I am not smarter than a Fifth Grader - DAMN IT!) Natrol. That is a brand name. What the F were they thinking? Product works and is cheap, got to love that. 5. And a whole bunch more - just go to The Wizard....or Dr. Oz's website and all the stuff he talks about I'm taking about half and yes, it is working.

 Here is my next great idea. If all the over the counter skin care creams are working for my face - What can I be slathering on the rest of my body? Cause shit is happening from the chin down and it needs to stop.....YESTERDAY. Unfortunately, when I finally got the message in my mid Thirties that I was going to regret all the sun damage I'd been doing to my face - someone forgot to remind me that I'd be really sad when my neck, chest, arms and legs began to age. It is awfully hard to rock a freakin turtleneck, long sleeves and long pants in frickin 110 degree heat. I've been hinting that maybe we SHOULD bring pantyhose back - if we could think of a name that doesn't have the word panty in it. How bout - Miracle Legs - as in, your saggy, flabby, lumpy legs will look better if you wear our Miracle Legs??? Don't laugh - that Spanx bitch has made a boatload of money and who ever would have thought the whole world - Men included, MANX for God's sake - would be squeezing and contorting their rolls of fat into very expensive, unattractive, uncomfortable BEIGE PANTYHOSE!!! FOR YOUR FREAKIN BODY!! See - SHE JUST CHANGED THE NAME FROM PANTY HOSE TO SPANX!!! Guess she is smarter than a freakin Fifth Grader. Bet she loves Big Sodas and Big Wine Bottles cause the more FATTIES the more PANTYHOSE/SPANX...DANG it...I new it was the word panty that was the problem...not Big Sodas or Big Wine Bottles!

Almost Summer

Two more days and my baby will officially be a Senior in High School!! Wow, time really does fly. And in two more days it will officially be summer at our house. This is where the time thing can get interesting. Will it fly or drag by in an unending blur of what's to eat?? Do??? You know what I mean. I've said before the only way to survive teenagers is to just let them sleep. Nyquil works too. Honestly, when they are sleeping you can almost pretend they are sweet little babies again. Except you don't have to nurse them or change their diapers. And if you are still nursing them - then you are a FREAK and need serious help. Now you know how I feel about the woman on the cover of Time magazine. Back to sleeping teenagers. I have had friends to complain about all they do is sleep. How they HAVE to WAKE them up or they'd sleep til noon. Really?? I say be really freaking quiet and if you are lucky they will snooze thru breakfast and lunch!! Two less meals to make and clean up!! Score. Of course, you have to make a really big dinner to fill them up, but once in the kitchen works for me. An order of Dominoes for appetizer course followed by a pasta dish and brownies and everyone is fat and happy. And speaking of Dominoes - make sure your teen has a job!! Mine is slinging pizzas at Dominoes and it is awesome. Teens and down/awake time is a scary thing. I prefer mine in uniform saying, "Thanks for calling Dominoes. How can I help you?" Sure beats - I'm so bored whats for lunch? Or God forbid, " I'm thirsty can I nurse?".....let'em sleep and get a job I say!! Summer time to me is all about the pool and sitting outside with a great book while something really delicious is cooking on the grill. Add some veggies roasting in the oven and a really good, crisp, cold white wine and I am a happy girl. And a good book. Right now I am pretending it is almost summer. I had everything ready to grill and roast when Wonderman came home from work with an entire pan of something wonderful left over from an in office lunch. Talk about timing. You have never seen anyone throw stuff back in the fridge as fast as I did. I didn't even mind I'd spent and entire morning on Pinterest copying my fav recipes from my board - More Junk for my Trunk/recipes - That trip to the grocery store was not a waste and now I have a fab dinner tonight and something all ready for tomorrow night. Score. Back to books and wine. Book is hilarious - Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson. She has been one of my favorite bloggers since I started doing this. Both of us blogged on a site called pnn.something or other...not sure it is still there. But, she was a big freaking deal on that. FAMOUS. Crazy, stupid, SHE DID NOT SAY THAT OUT LOUD funny. Could not get enough of her or her balls to walls sense of humor. She even helped me fly my own freak flag in the beginning of my blog. Sadly, I've calmed my freak flag just alittle lately. You have to be brave to let the f bombs drop freely. My kids have started reading and that reigns me in just a little bit. It was easier for me back when I was still doing this anonymously, Which is why my hubs is called Wonderman, and he is. My kids are babygirl and boychild. Now that some of my nearest and dearest are actually reading this, I haved tamed my inner fbomb. Reading Jenny Larson makes me miss that inner voice inside my head that is usually screaming it at all the freakin idiot drivers I am forced to deal with. Just cause they like to drive their cars too. In my way. Back to Jenny's book. It is freakingly FUCKING funny. Her fault, her fault. She is fearless and funny and if 1/4 of the crap she is making me spew good wine out of my nose is true. Then DANG. Buy this girl's book. Pour yourself a cold, crisp glass of wine and fight off the freaking nats and enjoy the start of almost summer time. And speaking of wine and nats...don't get me started. I'm thinking either a wine spoon to scoop them out is needed or maybe an adult sippy cup made out of glass so we can sip our wine all classy like without any freaking nats!! So here's to summer! Let your teens sleep - their growing brains need it/whole lot less for you to deal with, grab a good book, throw stuff on the grill or back in the fridge and pour your wine in an adult sippy cup!!! Enjoy.

You Need This

If you hate the time it takes to dry your hair you are going to love this new brush by Goody - Quickstyle...trust me. Stop reading right now and run to Target (where I got mine) or any drugstore that sells Goody products. GO!! This brush will change your life. And it only costs 11.99...I predict they will become hard to find and will be selling on EBay for $100's. No joke - it really does cut the drying time by more than half. And I was able to get my crazy curly hair straight too. I have only seen the paddle brush in magazine ads and stores. I have been using a round brush and it took me a minute to get the hang of the paddle brush. This one has micro fibers between the bristles and it feels very gentle on your hair. I just got mine after LB told me she had it and loved it...I've used it once and wish I had actually timed my blowout. I think it only took about 12 minutes. It usually takes about 30-45 minutes. Yes, people. I call it my arm workout and I am exhausted by the time it is done. Has a lot to do with why I only blow it out about 2 times a week. The bad news is now I'll need to drag myself to the gym more often for arm work. Still loving the brush. I even took it with me when I went to get my hair cut yesterday and my hair guru was amazed by it and was getting hers after work. I continue to hear that everyone is loving the Garnier BB face cream. It really does make your skin look amazing. I also love this new powder by Physicians Formula. I know that when we reach a certain age we are told not to use powder. I try to keep it light and only on tzone. Except for this new one...it goes all over and it is awesome. It is Youthful Wear - Translucent Illuminating Finish. It is sheer and light and just makes you glow. Make sure it is the Illuminating finish. I've also decided to join the fake and bake crowd. I know I have made fun of all the umpaloompas on TV. I am trying to avoid the orange orangutan look. My boychild is having way too much fun calling me Snookie now. I've done three spray tans and all but the last one turned out great. Let's just say bronzed palms and foot soles were not the look I was going for. The barrier cream they provide did not work and someone didn't clean out the floor of machine from previous customer. EWWW. Yes, I will stand on flip flops next time I go. I also went to my friend TM the Self Tanning Queen and she recommended her fav tanning product to use at home...Bath & Body Works True Blue Spa Bronzing Self Tanning Lotion. I'm really liking it and the price - $15.00. Babygirl and I had been using one from Nordstroms called Xtan and let's just say it is MORE than $15 bucks. Both work, I just have always hated the smell. Decided I could live with the smell for a few hours over the sight of my legs without color. I just wish I was talented enough with the tanner to create muscle tone and smooth tight skin. Bet that would be a best seller and more than $15. Even though I hate them I still think we should bring back panty hose. First let's change that name. That would help. I heard Leggs Eggs were coming back,all thanks to Princess Katherine who wears hose on occasion. I'm seriously thinking about investing in some Wolford sheer leggings myself. That sounds so much better. Til then I'll be tanning and smelling :) So I guess it is time for Snookie to shut up and go hit the gym...trust me - go get the brush pronto!!!

Hat & Heel Heaven

The Hubs and I are just recovering from our recent visit to Hat & Heel Heaven. Some of you might know it as the Kentucky Derby. I heard there were some horses and betting involved. Wonderman/Hubs knows more about the betting. I was too busy slobbering over all the amazing hats and heels and dresses and people. Yes, I watched the horses and those tiny little people on their backs run around the track. Couldn't help it - we had amazing box seats on the grass - eye level with the thunder of those beasts and riders all decked out in a rainbow of colors. While the horses were resting, we could turn the other way and watch the sea of humanity in the famous infield. Our box was right on top of the tunnel that everyone entering the infield suites and well the field had to go through. I never got tired of watching the hats, the people and the people staggering around. That would be the fault of too many mint juleps. Lucky for me these are an acquired taste. I never acquired a taste for bourbon. I prefer my mint with chocolate. Add some chocolate to the julep and I'd be staggering with the rest of them. Back to the hats. I spend about 4 days out of 7 wearing a baseball hat due to tennis or walking or just being too lazy to dry my hair. Washing is easy, it's the drying that takes forever and a lot of arm muscle. I am also fond of wearing hats at the pool. I have more than one straw hat for that. I have even managed to limit myself to one really cute cowboy hat. I do live in Texas after all. The count is slightly higher on cowboy boots. Oddly enough at the Derby boots are not so much in demand. I was told by my Derby experts that heels would be required at all events. Now I have heels. Love my heels. Wonderman really loves my heels. My heels just don't always love me. Or my feet. Most of my heels only leave my closet to go to dinner. Dinner that involves a fancy place with valet parking. So yes, the thought of wearing heels to events that involved actually walking great distances and standing in them for hours had me slightly freaked out. But, I was determined to suck it up and walk proud with my sisters. No one ever said beauty didn't have a price. Back to the hats - It is all about the hats at Hat Heaven. Cisco set us up with Hats by Dee. They have been making hats in Louisville forever. They were so easy to work with online and over the phone. Did I mention I LOVE hats??? I was in Hat Heaven all day. Could not stop admiring all the hats around me or even pick out one to be my favorite. Just too many to admire and choose from. I even managed to wear my heels without too much agony. Lucky for me our amazing event crew - Back 9 Promotions - did an excellent job for us/Cisco and our guests. This was not their first time at this dog and pony show. They provided flip flops for all the girls and our barking dogs. After a couple of hours, all but a few of us were proudly strutting back to the motor coach - fancy for bus - carrying our fabulous shoes, while enjoying the comfort of our flip flops. I'm not saying I didn't leave the weekend without a few blisters. I did. I also met some really amazing new people and got to know some friends even better. We were also thrilled to meet Bob Evans, Chairman and CEO of Churchill Downs. Through him we were so honored to meet Dakota Meyer, Marine Medal of Honor Recipient. As for the horses - they were beautiful and fierce. The Derby is truly a bucket list event. We were so blessed to be there. My heels are back in the closet and my hats arrived home today by UPS and with a little help from my new friend Jan. I am fighting the urge to wear them while running errands. I guess I really should just go with the baseball cap for that. Still. Hat & Heel withdrawal isn't easy. Till next year....in the mean time - here is a drink that I do like...Let's call it the Skinny GirlyGirl Beerita : one can of Bacardi's frozen margarita mix, 4- 6 lite beers & one packet of crystal lite drink mix, tequila to your tasting - mix and pour!! Cheers to beeritas, hats & heels!!!

50 Shades of Grey

Or 50 Shades of Red if someone catches you reading this book. Which is probably why most of the Kajillion women in the world are reading it on Kindles, Ipads, Iphones or other devices. I've been reading my naughty books on my iphone for awhile. Kind of miss those covers though.

I was so surprised that I almost missed the Grey Party...thanks to SJ and NH recreating THE SCENE from When Sally Had an Orgasm the other day at lunch just talking about this book. Hilarious - trust me they like this book A LOT. Being the know it all that I am they were so excited to share something with me that I had not heard about. Within two days every paper and magazine had a story on this book phenom. It was the cover of Entertainment Weekly and top of book lists covered by Wall Street Journal. Movie deal is already signed.

Story is the author was just kind of blogging a takeoff story on the Twilight series. Kind of Bella and Edward for grownups. With major kinky hangups. Not gonna spoil any plot or story lines. Actually not a lot of that yet. Just lots and lots of kinky sex. Easy to see how this book gets everyone off. Pun intended. Most of us are too busy and too tired to actually have sex. When we do I'm just guessing it is probably a little vanilla. Nothing wrong with vanilla. This book puts sex out there in the Ben & Jerry category. Lots of sex beyond vanilla. It is no secret that I am a big fan of what I call my Happy Books and my hubs calls our Foreplay Books. Hey, everyone is happy. And I was so happy to see my friends going on and on and on about a book. Especially the one that "doesn't read" books. They are even rereading this book.:)

I'm on book two out of the three. I'll admit book one lived up to my standards of "happy" book material. Not loving the main characters though due to character issues. He's a control freak and she is a major whiner. Lack of plot not a problem cause the sex was hot. By book two the shock of kinky sex was wearing off and even their sex was starting to sound vanilla. And she was stressing and whining cause he was too rich and fabulous. And he was so busy telling her when to sit, eat, wear a coat...seriously. What happened to the whips and chains??? Not to rain on anyone's parade but, I need a plot and characters I can relate to. Right now I'm more interested in the body guard. What's his story??

So if you are enjoying 50 Shades of Grey or if not and ya want to read some books that will keep you up at night and not just reading :))) try some of my favorites. Just type in books in that handy little search box in the upper left corner of my blog. It will take you to previous posts. Check out the Vampireholic Post...several series of books are listed. Check one out. Dare ya.