Finding the Good in ANYTHING

Keeping in spirit with why I started this blog could have been a challenge today. I try to keep it all positive and about things I LOVE...when I want to go dark about something I usually do it on my other blog - girlygirl.pnn.com. But I decided to challenge myself today and find a way to make this season's Bachelorette show a positive experience. The challenge is I am going to attempt this on caffeine instead of my beverage/funny juice of choice- it is 9:00 am and even I frown on wine for breakfast. Maybe a bellini or bloodymary...we'll see how this goes on coffee.

I could easily rant all day about all that is wrong with this season, this girl, these guys and the producers for allowing this assault on all that is good in this world. So here is my version of - ARE YOU %&^*(*% KIDDING ME!!! Rules are simple. Every time one of the things below happens next week as you are watching (and you know we will be!! Even Kelly Ripa won't be able to NOT WATCH AGAIN...) follow the rules.

1. Every time she touches her bangs - slap yourself in the head. This will keep you awake. It will also help you break the annoying habit of picking up her annoying habit of constantly touching her bangs. People that do this should not have bangs. Or hair. Bald people can't annoy us by touching their bangs. If there is a bald person watching with you kiss them on the forehead and score 3 extra points. 1 point for every head slap. Yes, you will need paper and pen to keep track of all your points.

2. Every time she climbs someone and bumps uglies while that person is standing - you must thank your mother out loud for raising you right and take a small sip of your beverage of choice (BOC). This is going to happen a lot so small sips are important. We must game responsibly. If you find yourself monkey climbing every man that says hello to you - subtract 5pts. For any men watching and playing with us - I know a few - if this has ever happened to you and you had naughty feelings down below subtract 5 pts. Hugging someone with 4 feet on the ground is fine. If you want to have sex standing up with your significant other go for it. If you are saying hello to someone stop humping them like a dog in heat.

3. Every time she thinks she is right cause she is following her instincts, her heart or her new outlook on life - Shout "You are an IDIOT" and take a small sip. If you think she is WRONG add 3 pts. Just add 100 pts. to your score and refill your glass. She is wrong, wrong, wrong.

4. Every time her voice grates on your nerves - blow a loud horn. Kazoos are fine too. If you have a bag of party favor blow thingies even better just pass those out. If everyone is blowing something (careful boys - naughty thoughts down below WILL cost you 5pts.)then hopefully we won't be able to hear her screechy voice. If you don't have any of these things handy then just mute the tv every time she says anything. You won't really be missing much. Keep sipping - blowing things makes you very thirsty.

5. Every time she "dances" apologize to dancers everywhere for the insult. Did I miss the show last season where they talked about her being a "dancer"? Thought she was a "dentist"...this season she is a "dental student" and a "dancer". Note to producers - not everyone that dances is sexy. Hitting poses to music is not dancing. Every time she poses/dances pause the show and bust out your favorite dance moves. Don't worry if you get into it and forget about the rest of the show. You are way more entertaining and you will not really be missing anything. Keep sipping sexy!!

6. Pick your favorite guy on the show - then google him. Find a way - anyway to tell him to RUN!!! There are so many better ways to be famous. To find TRUE LOVE. To spend 6 weeks. Then again they are all hanging out in California, living in a cool house, doing fun exciting things, never mind - let him stay. If he makes it to final rose ceremony give yourself 5pts. He if ends up the next Bachelor you get bonus 10 pts. If he gets sent home (lucky dog) score 2pts. If she monkey humps your guy shout "Get off my man you MONKEY GIRL!" You'll feel a little silly but take a sip and you'll get into it.

7. Speaking of the guys - every time one of them does something gross - yell the name of the game and take a sip. Whenever one of them pretends to be happy about getting a rose - yell "bullshit" and take a sip. Better yet, pause the show and find a deck of cards and play Bullshit. Again, don't worry if you forget the show. Cards can be fun. This is a great game. Kate Hudson played it in that cute movie with Matthew McHunky (can't spell his last name) even better just go watch that movie and forget this show!!

End of show/end of game - tally your pts. If You are doing something/anything more fun and did not finish this show YOU WIN!! If you are still watching to the very end add 5pts. for making it thru the whole thing. If someone is sitting on the toilet reading the paper - I swear I could not make this stuff up - add 20 pts. That does not count if that is happening in your house. Then again that counts for doing something more fun. If you are still reading this blog add 10 pts.

And in closing...in honor of all the poor roses that have been sacrificed for this stupid show...wear a red string around your wrist - no that weird religion does that already. Around your ankle - no Mama thinks those are trashy. I know - around your head!! Red headbands!!! In honor of all the roses...SAVE the ROSES!! Show your disgust for this show and support of our new cause - Save the Roses. Wear your red headbands proudly. And remember stop touching your bangs and hug with your feet on the ground!!

Favorite Stuff

Here is an update of some of my favorite things...Don't forget to pass on some of your favorite things for me to try and add here for everyone to try. You can either leave a comment if you are a follower or send me an email kmshelnutt@yahoo.com and I'll pass them on. Had a great girl gab fast last week and here are some things shared there and some I've been wanting to post...

Eye products - I tried two really good ones by Clinique :All About Eyes Serum - cool roller ball product that helps get rid of early morning puffiness and bags. Been coming in handy during allergy season. I put it on before coffee and then before concealor I use Clinique Repairwear eye cream. I still love CoverGirl & Olay Simply Ageless concealor. Shade 210 is great under eyes and 220 covers whatever you don't like on the face.

Skincare - Love, Love, Love Neutrogena's Rapid Wrinkle Repair Night - it's one of their newest and I'm going back to get the daytime one with sunscreen.

Foundation/Base - Revlon Age Defying Makeup - natural coverage and spf 20. Tip when choosing shade: don't go to light even try a shade just a little bit darker than skin on your face. Most of us have more sun on our necks and a slightly darker shade blended carefully will warm up your complexion.

Blush & Powder - Physician Formula is my hands down fav for these...the blush with the happy hearts on it is great and I'm hooked on all their powders and bronzers.

Mascara - New fav!! Almay One Coat Get Up and Grow....Great job without clumps and it stays put. Needs a little remover to wash off but not as much as waterproof ones. It is also supposed to help them grow longer. I'm still loving my Latisse but happy if this keeps them growing too.

Lips - I'm addicted to Sugar Lip Treatment spf 15 and Burt's Bees tinted lip balm

Nails - NYC in a New York Color Minute quick dry nailpolish. This is so easy to apply and dries super fast. Clear top coat gives a great shine and helps it last for days. If you like dark colors try Chinatown it is awesome!! I also love One Minute Manicure Scrub Tropical Coconut smells amazing and your hands and feet will thank you. Go to oneminutemanicure.com to order. Also great for summer sandals rubbing blisters is Band-AID friction block stick - use it as soon as you think a shoe is rubbing a blister and you won't get one.

Hair - For when you want to stretch out wash days or just add volume to thin, oily or even clean hair that you want to fluff up, try TRESemme FreshSTART Dry Shampoo for oily/straight to normal hair. Love this stuff!! Great for bangs that look droopey. For curly days when I'm too lazy to blow dry I love Got2b Kinky curling mousse. Just scrunch in and let hair air dry. Try to keep hands off after putting it in to keep frizz down.

Wish I had a way to index all products in previous blogs but so far cannot work that out. Don't forget to let me know what you like and want to share!!

Spring Cleaning

Wow - can't believe it's April...finally everything is green again and that is good. Unfortunately, here in Texas that does not mean that it is time to start planting yet....cause it can be 80 degrees yesterday and 50 degrees today with monster winds that feel like 40....and we are expected to play tennis and other sports in this. Until you have stood face to wind with our wind just shut the hell up. YOU have no idea...unless you live in Chicago. I HEAR the wind is crazy there too. But you have ginormous buildings to block and hide behind. Just step onto a frickin tennis court without a hill in sight much less a mountain or tall building. Then try to find the little yellow ball and make it go where ya want it to go...hubs and his amazing partner did that this past Sunday!! Great match and I had the best seat in the house - sidelines with her hubs going "Great job!! Where was that shot when WE were with you!!" Seriously, sideline hell on earth. You WANT them to play well and win. Just NOT that well. UNLESS THEY ARE PLAYING THAT F'ING WAY WITH YOU. I am already planning my snack tray for next week if and only if hub's new tennis wife is going to agree to play with him again. Trust me - I have WAY more fun watching and cheering him on with her playing ....hopefully she feels the same way.

Along with spring cleaning which is the only thing to do when tv goes into rerun mode...omg!! Ya'll know I love my tv and right now it is all reruns... except for the best of all time and my new favorite ever reality show!!! I've tried to be a faithful Real Housewives of...fan - and I do love just looking at all the amazing homes we've been invited to. I just can't keep watching all the nasty girl drama between the should be friends. Drives me crazy. Can't stand girl bashing. But I have watched almost all of these shows for at least the first three episodes. Without a doubt the only one I can proudly recommend is a spin off show called Bethany Ever After. She is from the New York wives show and always a favorite of mine just because she seemed so real. Flaws and all. AND WE ARE ALL FLAWED. Most of us just don't have the courage to show these flaws to everyone. She does and you love her for it. Missed her whole wedding show season - only cause I got bored with all the crazy drama of all the other housewives shows. Not sure how or why I even watched her new show on her own. I am soooo glad I did. Please - give this show a try. If this is not for real and they are ranking our chain I am going to be so upset. Great reality tv. Husband is the absolute cutest thing ever except for the baby. Then you throw in the nannie and her whole church episode and all the others it is just great tv you can relate too. Bethany has the courage to say all the crazy shit you want to you are just to chicken to do so. Then there is the week she goes home AGAIN with hubs to see the grandparents...It is the best reality tv episode of all time. To my amazing inlaws - I love you!! I am so lucky to have you in my life and my children's life. They adore you. To my family you know I love you too as do the kids and John -guess this episode just showed all the dynamics that go into making our extended families work. It really made me think of all of you - inlaws, parents, and tennis wives/husbands and friends...life is good - cause you are a huge part of it!!

As for the title of this blog - well it is spring and I VACUUMED today...that counts for spring cleaning right???? Just watch - Bethany Ever After on Bravo you won't be sorry!!

Which Came First the Gaga or the Egg...

Now just relax all you little monsters, I am not going to trash/bash your leader - Lady Gaga...I actually like her music and her message of love one another for who we are. At least I think that is what she is saying...sometimes I just get a little distracted by all the crazy. And I'm calling her crazy with love. Bless her heart.

Last year when she burned the piano on tv I was entralled and I loved that song. Problem is - I don't really remember the song. Just the piano burning. I know I loved the song and her voice was amazing. But that burning piano really got my attention. That, I remember. And then there was the meat dress and purse. Who could forget that!! Wowzer!!No one, cause it went viral fast and the comedians - they had a blast. She can rest assured no one will ever forget that. Or the Egg entrance this year at the Grammy's - already the song is kind of a distant memory. But, that may not be all her fault. My memory is pretty selective these days. But if shock value and "fame" is what she's going for then she is living her dream. I just think it is a little sad cause her real talent is her voice. But I don't think I'm the only one that is easily distracted from that.

I was watching Wendy Williams this morning and she was interviewing the lovely Roberta Flack. Talk about an amazing voice!! Wendy got her to sing one of the most beautiful songs ever - Killing Me Softly. I couldn't believe that I remembered all the words. I couldn't help but wonder if one day in the future, say 30 plus years from now - if Lady Gaga will be on a talk show singing one of her songs from today. And if so, what will she be wearing??? I just hope she lasts and let's us focus on her voice and not all the crazy. She's got our attention now - let us enjoy the music.

Speaking of the Grammy's, I was shocked in a good way when the girl that most of us had never heard of won Best New Artist...how cool was that!! Isn't that kind of the purpose of "New" ? I love Gaga and I've got Bieber Fever too but at this point I don't think of them as new. They are everywhere. I am so glad the Grammy's recognizied someone we need to know more about. Someone without all the crazy - just an amazing talent. I bet she'll be around in 30 years.

Stupid Cupid

Now that you are confused and I have your attention....of course, I don't think Cupid is Stupid. I want (and expect) my flowers, candy, cards and sparklies just like YOU do...some years are better than others...LOVED this year. If you are one of my two offspring now would be a really good time for you to go look at porn or something else on the internet. This will totally gross you out. (Of course, now they are glued but they have been warned...)

Times are tight for all of us. Sad to say and trust me - I don't say it often but Hubs is off the hook - thru the years he has wowed me and spoiled me and it pains me to say it but - I really do have it all. Okay, like maybe ONE of each. There is only so much joolree (jewelry for those that are new to blog - like to mispell to give it humor) a girl can wear, EVEN in Texas without looking crazy. Don't worry - Gypsy is still my middle name but he has covered that department and I love him up for it. He has also rocked my world in the shoe and handbag department. Thanks to my devotion to Sex and City - the show uncut on tv please! - he (bless his little man heart) went on Ebay years ago and bought me a fantastic pair of Manolos...yes, they are real. He was thrilled to realize that shoes and handbags are crazy expensive but still less than the sparklie things. Thanks to a really good job in the 90's he pretty much covered the joolry. Fastforward to moving to Dallas and my first Louis. My first Louis baby was an anniversary gift while we were in New York. Smart man had it shipped home to avoid tax. Hope that was legal - whoops. Second one got him out of a major birthday jam when he had no idea what to get me. Love them both. Third one was our oops baby. Adopted over the internet from China and unintentionally prolly not real. Freakin cute and really good deal and hardly ever leaves the house cause we are not down with fake crap.

I know I said one of each - but Hubs totally gets you can rock clothes from Target and Kohls as long as you don't skimp on the shoes and handbags. So, I have a few really awesome bags. And only one pair of the most coveted red sole shoes in the world. Best day ever - hubs says cancel your girlfriend plans. I'm taking you shopping for a pair of red soled shoes and then lunch at the Mansion on Turtle Creek. It was a close call, but hells yes! I blew off my girlfriends so fast you could see the smoke. It was our 20 something anniversary, so I played that card and they still love me. Crazy bitches - think I am actually going to let them borrow my shoes.

So at this point in our life - Christmas, Valentines, Anniversary and birthdays roll around and I'm like whatever. Got all I need. Just don't forget it totally and as long as I can buy books and mags I'm a happy girl. This is where the offspring really do need to go do something else - WARNING!!! YOUR PARENTS STILL HAVE SEX. NOT AS MUCH BUT STILL....MORE THAN TWICE. Feb. 14th rolls around again. I make the promise of not this morning but you hurry home and I'm going to rock your world. (Hey, sometimes they fall for it...feed them big dinner w/ wine and it's not your fault if they fall asleep)I've already got a great card (even though he thinks they are a huge waste of money) and stuff for boy offspring. Baby girl got a great giftbag of all her fav things this weekend when we were lucky enough to be see her while boy offspring had a lacrosse tournament where she is in college. How cool is that?? As we are leaving after fantastic weekend with her and lacrosse the Hubs makes the super cool Dad move and gives her the most BEAUTIFUL dozen roses you have ever seen...yippee for her and she is thrilled.

Vday rolls around. Boy offspring totally blows off and ignores all the darling girls that text him like crazy. I make the big promise to the hubs that big things are going to happen when he gets home and future lax star is at practice. Fast forward to end of day...I've gone to store and have all that is needed for fantastic steak dinner. After 4 major snow storms and no grill action we are thrilled to grill at home. Hubs calls to ask if I need anything from store...answer is no got it all and hurry home ;;;))) He comes on in .... a hurry to change and go for a run. As he is changing and we are catching up on the day - I realize he is empty handed and he realizes that it is Vday and while I didn't need dinner from store he was SUPPOSED to stop and pick up MY flowers....not only am I not getting crazy no kids home sex - I AM NOT EVEN GETTING FLOWERS. On Valentine's Day. No flowers. No card. No candy. Cupid IS stupid.

But, he was fast on his feet(going running afterall) straight to the grocery store!!! Made it home with the most amazingly beautiful dozen roses you have ever seen...and he even tried to listen when I said no candy...six chocolate covered strawberries instead. They were awesome!!

Dinner was fantastic. Flowers were beautiful. Boy offspring survived lax practice and wrath of cute girls. Girlfriend enjoyed first Vday without boyfriend in four years. And as for us, well I'll just close with My Cupid is not Stupid.

I Phone is the New Crack

This is a health alert....If you currently own an iphone - my personal drug of choice - or any of the other smart phones I'm betting you didn't read the tiny fine print either. If you had to stand in line for hours to even get yours you weren't worried about any of the warnings buried in the instruction manual. I barely bothered reading that. I just watch the commercials and download any cool apps advertised there. Or hand it over to my teens and they hook me right up. Here is what they don't tell you.

1. You will find that you cannot be more than 5 ft. from your phone at anytime. Makes getting a shower tricky but I manage. Just barely. If you find yourself in one room and the crack device in another you have 25 seconds to retrieve it before your head explodes.

2. First sign you have a phoneaddiction - you no longer use your computer. Because you can check your emails 4,658 times a day FROM YOUR PHONE. And you will, you just won't answer any of them. This will drive your friends crazy. You will mean to do it when you get home but you won't. Because you will be too busy with the next part of this dreaded addiction.

3. Second sign - texting. You only have a contact list in order to text people. The art of an actual conversation is a joke. I predict mankind will forget how to speak in the next 10 yrs. we will just stand around with our phones texting each other face to face. Don't worry rap will never go away.

4. Third sign - Facebook - now some of you think FB is the devil's book. All two of you are so smug that YOU have never done it. Come on - who are you kidding??? Even Bill Clinton has facebooked. Facebook is the gateway to more phoneaddictions. And once you own an iphone - you have truly descended into hell. You won't care about eating, your kids, feeding your kids, reading or even watching a movie. You won't even be able to watch tv without checking your fb...and then you will have this uncontrollable urge to text someone. WHILE you are supposed to be watching your favorite show. It is so dangerously addicting they even warn you that texting is not allowed during movies!!

5. Fourth sign you are going to end up homeless and on the street living in a box - Words with Friends...Yea! Some friends - these shady characters just want to get you addicted to feed their own nasty little habit....they suck you in with smiles and promises that it is fun and will increase your vocabulary - not so!!! You won't even know what half these words mean!! You won't care as long as you get the points and crush your former friends with a big word!!! Trust me just SAY NO!!!

6. Fifth sign - That sound...you know the one. The glass, the bell, the horn or whatever cute little sound you set your phone to make everytime you have a new message, text, or game move waiting. You won't eat, sleep or bathe...you will jump for your phone, trade your children, You will even play your children and try to crush them to get your phonefix....

7. Sixth sign - Angry Birds...this is the mac daddy drug of all - I am currently in phonerehab and am fighting the urge to try this one. But, I keep reading and hearing about how great it is. How much fun I'll have doing it. I am trying to be strong. Plus, I hear there is a possible tv show in the works. I will wait for that.

8. Dressing your phone. I am guilty of bling stickers on mine. Shoot me.

9. If you are still reading this you know you have a problem or know someone who has a problem...you should text them and tell them to read this. There are prolly more signs we are all hopelessly addicted but I need to stop now cause my phone is calling - did I mention I fell off the recovery wagon today and actually am now a Twit???

10. Twitter - I was holding out and refusing to try this Twitter drug but I saw Regis do it this morning and he looked like he was having so much fun. Everybody is doing it. I'm not going to do it everyday. I can control it. Really. Oh, who am I kidding!! Follow me @girlygirlrocks - hope I did that right. Seriously, be careful and whatever you do whenever you do it - NEVER FEED YOUR PHONEADDICTION WHILE DRIVING...and it is RUDE to do it at the table in front of friends (unless you are texting them - still prolly rude). And never ever text in a dark room - you will be looking down into the light of your phone and trust me it will age you by at least 20 yrs. Especially if you are squinting and frowning at your phone. Not a good look. Don't do this.

Back to the Real World

I have returned to the land of the living. I am still wearing real clothes and it is 8:10pm...I have had them on almost all day!!! In case you are not a faithful reader I am sharing this proudly because I have been living in pj's for the last 3 months. Okay, that is slightly exaggerated - it just seems that way because it is January and I am perfectly happy staying inside - in my comfy clothes for days on end. Eventually the madness sets in and neighbors and friends may start to wonder where I am....they seemed like such a happy family. You get the idea. I could so be a happy hermit. Yesterday everyone finally went where they were supposed to be...hubs at work, kids at school (college & high school) and I had the day at home. Except for one little favor the hubs asked for....bunch of suits in town for big important company meetings - husband speak for I will be very busy with very important things all week and out every night eating really good meals. Which is wife speak for "Dang, you mean we get to eat junk food and wait for Dad to come home?" Everybody is happy. Then came the favor part...one of the suits brought his wife along. Which is wife speak for "Partay!!! Hotel living - room service, hotel sex and no one yelling Mommy!" Of course, our hubs are worried we will be bored or shopping so mine asked if I would mind taking strange wife I've never met out to lunch. ON MY FIRST DAY OF THANK GOD EVERYONE IS WHERE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE. Which means I am doing whatever it is I do that makes me happy. I know I have a very good life. I am very very thankful for that. He doesn't' ask for much or ever really complain when the bed is not made up so - I said "Of course, I live to get dressed (in real f&*^()N clothes) and take out a strange woman to lunch". I am thinking - "Oh, buddy this is going to cost you big time. BIG TIME."

Fast forward to me driving nervously to her hotel to pick her up and here is the worst part...he is RIGHT AGAIN!!! She is awesome and amazing and it is the best blind date lunch ever!! We have so much fun and talk each others ears off....I even forget to tell her to pretend we hated each other so we can buy new shoes as our husband's punishment for asking us to go to lunch together!! Can't wait to meet her husband and visit our new best friends in California...

Each day and each person we meet is such a gift - I am so thankful that I got dressed and made a new friend and remembered why we are so lucky to be here in the real world.... To 2011 - new friends, current friends and to Facebook friends I stalk daily - I am thankful for all of you and that you are a part of my real world...