Friday, February 26, 2010

New Flu Strain Alert....

I know the media is keeping us all updated on the latest health scares floating around. And every drugstore is pushing flu shots to keep us safe. I also warned you about Wine flu on my other blog - if you missed it check it out at - Wine flu is a lot of fun to get but the recovery can be a real kick in the head. And not in a good some people believe in tequila shots to help speed up the recovery from wine flu but you be the judge of that. Today, I have another warning for all my friends but especially those that play tennis. Tennis flu....

This particular strain of flu strikes the morning after a match where you and your whole team takes a spanking....This is not to be confused with wine flu - unless, there was some serious wine consumption involved in order to forget this demoralizing team loss...Tennis flu is diagnosed when for whatever reason your opponents manage to kick your ass on the courts...or make you seriously consider trying badminton as your new team sport. You could still wear all your cute tennis clothes and that little birdie can't hurt much if someone tries to take your head off with it. Now that I think about it...badminton is sounding better and better - but, this is prolly just the tennis flu delirium and fever talking. Which goes along with all the body aches and painful memories of all the points you'd like to play over and see the ball actually go where you had big plans for it.

I recommend that if you find yourself waking up with tennis flu that you stay home. Pray for a rainy day. Stay in your jammies. Resist the urge to spend a kajillion more dollars with your favorite pro on more lessons. The first kajillion is obviously not working so hot for ya...recover first then next week when you are ready to face your next opponent by all means throw your money at the pro, buy a new outfit cause the one you wore this week is cursed for all time now and by all means inoculate yourself before the match. Some teams find a really good warm up before can prevent a reoccurance of tennis flu. Some go with bloody marys. I'm thinking since we just warmed up this week and look what happened that maybe we should go with an order of bloody marys this coming week.

As for the recovery time at home in your jammies, I find I play much better while watching lots of tennis on tv. I am at my best on the sofa watching others play. This also happens when I am just sitting court side watching my friends play. I have no problems figuring out which shot to go for and why the opponents just won another point. So after any good tennis spanking you need to just chill and boost your confidence by watching. You will know you have recovered and are ready to PLAY when you can go to the bathroom without pain. I am talking about the pain in your fanny (from the spanking) and your screaming thighs. This is the real reason I recommend staying home. It is impossible to leave the house when you might need to "hover" somewhere. As in a public is not a sure thing that you will be able to hover long enough while suffering from tennis flu. Since it seems to affect the whole backside area and can in extreme cases cause arm and shoulder pain and back spasms. In extreme cases of tennis flu I have even known and heard of people having to give up their tennis career in favor of golf. Which would be a really big waste of lots of cute tennis clothes. So, until next week's drills and match...stay home and sit on the sofa - sit on your own clean toilet until you can safely hover in a public restroom - and watch tennis on tv and drink lots of fluids. And don't forget to eat your veggies - that celery stalk is not in the Bloody Mary just for decoration!


  1. You have a real knack, I just laughed so hard I think I bust my gut (or maybe that was just the fat jiggling around).

  2. Whats even funnier are the Ads by Google shown on the left of your blog. They actually think you have muscle aches and the flu. Little do they know you just got your ass kicked and drinked too much wine.

  3. Ha! You think those ads are funny go back to the blog about vibrating mascara!!! Boyee those were fun!! Yes, I totally freaked and then I clicked on them....just for research purposes!!